In The Beginning
Do you hear that?
You know, the critical inner voices.
The One’s that tell you stories about yourself.
What do you see?
When you recognise the reflection staring back at you.
Someone who’s not bleeding out from self- inflicted wounds.
Do you feel that?
That firm grip pulling on your heartstrings.
The self- destructive thoughts-blowing up inside your head.
Crippling you down to your bones.
Tearing you apart.
Can you find the words?
You only need one.
Insecurities are the underlying emotions that overwhelmingly and uncontrollably creates our self-image, that influences our behaviour, and is the currency of our self-worth to ourselves and everyone around us.
We’re pretty good at hiding our insecurities, we lie about them, pretending they don’t exist,
But If you could see into the hearts and minds of the people around you, the confident ones, the funny ones, even the narcissistic ones, you’ll find that behind every smile, under every laugh, hidden in every word are ceaseless wars of insecurities battling.
Tears, scars and bruises, the carnage left behind from the everyday battles fighting for our freedom.
I believe that the most dangerous self-destructive thought people suffer from is that they are different.
Different is a positive thing, it’s what makes us unique.
But people see themselves as different in a negative and more alienating way.
It doesn’t matter if our self-esteem is at an all-time high or all-time low, we are a society of people stricken to comparing, measuring, evaluating and judging ourselves with relentless scrutiny.
We have to learn to try live with the insecurities or break free.
By understanding where your insecurities come from, why you are pushed so much to beat yourself down and how this worldview of yourself affects you, you can start to overcome the self- destructive inner voices and thoughts.
It’s not a crazy thought to love yourself.
Insecure People Compare Themselves to Others
The most important thing about ourselves is what’s on the inside, not the outside.
Unfortunately, social media platforms like Instagram has embedded into us that we have to compare ourselves to others.
We compare everything, our bodies, lifestyle, clothing style, make-up, hairstyling abilities, tattoos, wealth, status, skills, talents, careers, goals, and ambitions with the picture-perfect, seemingly flawless users of the gram.
And that comparison is the metric on which we define our self- worth and a breeding ground for insecurities.
Comparing yourself to anyone isn’t going to do anything except make find ugliness in things about yourself which are beautiful.
Comparing yourself to others gives those people power and complete control over your attitude and behaviour.
It’s dangerous, It’s destructive and it’s the cause of the unhappiness you feel.
You end up focusing your time and energy on bringing these people down instead of focusing your time and energy on raising yourself up.
Here’s the thing, this is something so simple, yet a lot of people have so much difficulty understanding, there is one thing that you can do better than anyone else and it’s BEING YOU!
Let that sink in, think about it.
When you frame yourself in this mindset, the clouds separate and the world starts to look brighter again.
Your attention, focus, efforts and energy is now honed on what you’re capable of changing and improving within yourself.
Your life becomes about seeking personal growth, finding your purpose and becoming a better version of yourself.
And when that happens you stop worrying about what anyone else is doing, especially the seemingly flawless users of the gram.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, You become happier, free from the chains of unreal comparisons and insecurities, and focused on yourself in the very moment.
Insecure People Assume the Worst
When you’re insecure, there’s never a positive and logical conclusion to a situation, often you jump to the most irrational thought.
Your partner is not answering their phone or replying to your texts, so you come to the conclusion they are in bed with someone else. You’re laughing because it sounds stupid, but is it?
Assuming the worst in every situation doesn’t do anything to positively enhance your life or the lives of those around you in any way.
Especially if you are letting those thoughts become your motivation for actions and accusations against people.
Constantly being stuck in your head with the negative thoughts and horrible assumptions, creating scenarios of situations untrue can cause a great divide between you and the people you love.
You need to find a way to silence the voices in your mind and distract yourself from all the negative thoughts and overthinking.
Distract yourself with a positive activity, any positive activity instead of letting your mind wander when you’re frantically rushing to conclusions.
Insecure People Don’t Trust Their Partners
Insecure people create reasons to not trust their partners in crime even when their partners have done nothing except given them every reason to trust them.
They create stories about what their partner is doing to them, why they’re acting so weird when they’re not based on what’s broken them in the past before.
They wait patiently for the right moment to go through their partners text messages and emails, to check to see if anyone has been sliding into the DM’s and finding patterns on who’s liking their posts.
These actions are all justified to insecure people, it’s the “normal” thing to do because they’ve been lied to and cheated on before.
They have a feeling.
Forget that feeling, it’s not normal.
If your partner hasn’t given you a reason not to trust them, then it’s simple, TRUST THEM.
Don’t break their trust by snooping around into the private areas of their life.
Here’s the thing, if you don’t have a reason to be looking, there won’t be anything to find.
Instead of snooping around through their things, just have an open conversation about why you have these feelings. Be honest and open, help them understand.
I can promise you your partner will be more than happy to have this conversation with you and the two of you can figure out what or where the issue is, whether it is just demons from the past, or something more.
Mmmmm actually, I’m not finished on this yet.
I want to go a little further.
Why be in a relationship if you know you’re going to allow your insecurities take control?
Your insecurities are the reason why your relationship is going to fall apart and guess what, you’re just going to get more insecurities as a result.
You’re insecure because you’re broken and you’re in a relationship because you don’t have the strength and motivation to put the pieces back together yourself.
Instead, you rely on your partner to do it for you. Your partner becomes the glue that’s meant to keep you together.
But no matter how strong they are, the cracks of insecurity are always going to show.
You need to be alone, all alone, by yourself, without anyone.
You need to be alone, you need to spend time with yourself, so you can heal, to grow, to figure out what you really want and also so you can become absolutely confident within yourself…
So you can love yourself.
Insecure People Tell Lies
People who are insecure lie, they lie a lot, people lie to protect their vulnerabilities, to make themselves feel better about themselves or a situation or to seem more impressive to others around them.
Insecure people lie because they measure their worth and success on the admiration, approval and validation of others.
They crave the voice of others telling them how amazing and desirable they are.
The feeling of not meeting their own or other’s expectations causes people to be dishonest.
Insecure people who lie to themselves and others are desperate for acceptance and acknowledgment to make themselves feel better.
Don’t lie, under any circumstances, in any situation or for any reason.
Those little white lies which you tell yourself won’t hurt eventually manifest into bigger and more aggressive lies and when the truth comes out, and it always does, the people you lied to will not only finally know the truth but feel hurt that you lied to them.
Trust is the biggest foundation of any relationship.
When you lie to make yourself feel better, it breaks that trust you had.
Lying hurts you, lies cut deep, lies will eat you alive.
Stop using lies as a shield to protect your vulnerabilities, sink into your vulnerabilities and become your authentic self.
Hidden within your vulnerabilities are where your greatest potential lives.
Embrace your vulnerability, it’s your greatest strength.
Insecure People Get Offended Easily
People who are insecure can’t take a joke.
When someone is having a laugh, some banter, poking fun at something, it can hit the nerve of someone who is insecure.
It can cause insecure people to lash out.
Being easily offended can create tension unnecessary drama and fights that could be avoided, pushing people you care about away in the process.
You have to learn to tell the difference between what’s a joke and what isn’t a joke. If it is all in good fun and the other person isn’t being rude or mean, let it go over your head and laugh it off.
Not everything is a personal attack.
This is The End
These five qualities are only a few ways insecurities can self-sabotage your life.
While maybe some of the above points might help you fight your insecurities in the moment, the most effective thing you can do is work every single day on loving yourself.
Take the time to be with yourself, look within yourself and all the areas of who you are that you aren’t happy with.
Take out a pen and paper and write it all down. The words you write are the promise you have just made to pick yourself up and put yourself back together again.
Make the changes to create the life and the person you want to be.
There are going to be things that you’re insecure about that you can’t change, but you can control how you react.
Your only sin is believing the lies you tell yourself.
Want to read more? Head over to my blog to read more of my creative writing.