I received a DM recently on Instagram from a woman (who I won’t name) who complimented me and thanked me for some of my pieces of writing which had inspired her.
Although I do receive a fair few messages complimenting me and thanking me for some of the pieces I share this message sunk deep.
This lovely woman told me that she is going through a really intense breakup, having to say goodbye to the present and also the future.
That part “having to say goodbye to the present and also the future” transported me back to a moment now gone.
Heartbreak, it’s something we all hope and pray doesn’t happen to us, but for the vast majority, it’s unavoidable.
Heartbreak feels just short of death, torturing us with enough pain to wish we would just die.
Food becomes tasteless, Drinks never able to quench a thirst, sleep becomes fractured, memories become haunting.
When we find ourselves with someone and then lose them so suddenly our direction becomes void, our motivation starts slipping, perseverance becomes undesirable, self-esteem and self-worth will stumble and break and the idea of life will become meaningless.
But what if the pain, the pain of heartbreak, was actually good for you?
Hard to imagine, right?
You’re supposed to feel exactly the way you feel after a breakup. It’s your mind and body’s way of communicating its pain.
And if managed and channeled correctly, if controlled, the heartbreak you feel can transform your life and take you to a better, more fulfilling and much happier emotional and physical place.
There are many potentially positive effects of experiencing and working through your heartbreak.
Here’s what heartbreak taught me, which I hope can help you.
Letting go shows tremendous strength and courage.
It’s hard, I know, but holding onto the pain of heartbreak doesn’t fix anything.
Replaying the past over and over again in your mind doesn’t change anything.
Wishing, hoping and praying things were different won’t make it anything better.
We all have a past and sometimes it can be hard to just let it go but you have to realise when you can accept what’s happened and let go of that your life will become a much happier existence.
You have to just let go of what is hurting you so much even if you can’t imagine a life without that person.
In our hearts, we worry that letting go will be too painful, but that pain is temporary (remember that). We run away from saying goodbye because we trick ourselves into believing that the pain of heartbreak will last forever and that we will not be met with new hellos.
Many people see letting go as giving up and giving in to the pain, but making the decision to let go shows strength, resilience and proves you can get through anything life throws at you, no matter how bad things get.
Having the strength to let go means that you are in touch with yourself, and that you have the ability to acknowledge when it is time to just move on.
Having the strength to let go means that you are now strong enough and wise enough to understand that even though someone has played a truly valuable and special role in your life, their role is now simply over…. And that’s somewhat beautiful
Having the strength to let go means that you now know that there’s something or someone better out there for you… And they are waiting
I’ll leave this section with a verse from my second favourite song ever in existence and that’s the song “45” by The Gaslight Anthem (with my own little twist) and it goes like this
“Hey hey, turn the record over
Hey hey, and I’ll see you on the flip side
There you go, turn the key and engine over
Let ’em go, let somebody else lay at their feet”
No matter how you’re feeling, your life, whether you want it to or not is going to continue.
Therefore you can let the pain consume you, or you can use it to your advantage.
Heartbreak provides you the best opportunity for you to regroup, rethink and re-evaluate what you want from life, what you deserve and what will make you truly happy.
Heartbreak gives you the gift of being able to completely change your life, it sets you free to find your purpose, to grow and thrive.
For myself, I took a lot of time to focus on myself, fall back in love with my hobbies, learn new skills, work on my self-development and take control of my life despite feeling like my life had ended.
Even though you have been hurt and your heart is mourning a loss, you must find a way to push through it, life goes on whether we want it to or not. The world keeps spinning no matter how badly we’re hurting.
This is why you have to learn how to use your pain, embrace it, feed off it so you can get back up, grow and keep moving forward.
Growth comes from pain
A better you, a better life comes from pain.
Pain isn’t there to hurt you, pain isn’t necessarily unhelpful or undesirable.
The pain you’re feeling is trying to tell you what you need to do the psychological and physical growth
Here’s the thing, a lot of people place their self worth in their significant other, they value what the significant other thinks and says about them over what they think and say about themselves.
It’s honorable… in a way
The problem with that is you start to lose yourself over time, you eventually fall out of love with yourself and become someone you don’t even recognise in the mirror.
You place complete control of your thoughts, emotional, mental and physical well-being in the hands of someone who can break you at any point they choose.
Don’t believe me? Why do you think so many people leave relationships with scars of low self-esteem, self- worth and value within themselves?
Those scars show in all aspects of life, not just relationships.
One of the best things heartbreak can do for you is to teach you how to love yourself first, to respect yourself first, to have confidence and belief in yourself above anyone else first.
When you fall in love with yourself first, it not only protects you but it transcends you, it radiates across every part of your life.
You’ll know your worth, you’ll know what you bring to every single table you sit at and you’ll never EVER allow someone the power to control you.
You find yourself and that’s where happiness and freedom can be found.
Heartbreak teaches you a lot.
Don’t see heartbreak as a completely bad thing, heartbreak is one of your best teachers and class is in session.
Be grateful for what heartbreak will teach or has taught you. So many people are afraid to get into relationships, afraid of getting hurt but it’s a life lesson that you can’t learn anywhere else.
Heartbreaks only going to make you a stronger person.
If you never experience the feeling of heartbreak then you will never discover who you are, you would never find your purpose or passions and you would never live a fulfilling life.
Heartbreak is the best thing that can happen to you. Don’t be afraid of love and don’t be afraid to walk away either.
To the lovely woman that inspired me to write this, thank you for being so vulnerable to a complete stranger and for sharing your story with me.
I may have inspired you, but you have also inspired me
I promise you everything is going to be ok, you’ll find love again
This blog is for you
For anyone reading this, if you enjoyed it and want to read more articles on self-development and tips to navigate through life then click here
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